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Lanista
Invertebrate
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
 Posted - 17 July 2009 : 5:57:56 PM
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The only reason why the Roman Empire stopped expanding is because Chuck Norris said that it had gone far enough
Chuck Norris scared Julius Caesar into going 'straight'
Chuck Norris made the Parthians his bitch; he called this a slow tuesday
The real name of every Roman emperor is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was elected consul MDCXXIV times, in absentia because the Senate and the patricians were too afraid to say no
Chuck Norris took the wine that Jesus had made water from and turned it into beer
Chuck Norris taught every type of Gladiator how to fight
Chuck Norris is the newest type of Gladiator; he uses his beard as a weapon
The reason why Zeus cheats on Hera is that Hera cheats on him (with Chuck Norris; this isn't cheating as far as Chuck Norris is concerned).
Chuck Norris turned down the job of God of the Underworld because it was too boring
Chuck Norris is what legionaries want to be when they grow up
The names of Chuck Norris' fists are Castor and Pollux
Chuck Norris is why Vesuvius erupted; he took a dump in the crater and it couldn't take the force of the explosion
Hercules used to have an IQ of 207; this was before Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him upside the head
The statue of Zeus at Olympia is modeled after Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris trained the Three Furies
The Lighthouse of Pharos was modeled after Chuck Norris' penis
When Zeus asked for someone to split open his head with a hatchet (and so give birth to Athena), Chuck Norris said "say please"
Chuck Norris uses Cerberus as his personal guard dog
Nero committed suicide because he heard that Chuck Norris was coming after him
The Library of Alexandria had a new wing added so that Chuck Norris could store his porn
The fumes that overcome the Oracle of Delphi emanate from a single microscopic droplet of Chuck Norris' testosterone
The statue that the Ephors of Sparta pray to is a disguised statue of Chuck Norris
Legionaries sharpen their gladii et spathae by rubbing them against Chuck Norris' beard
The chief product of the Chuck Norris fabricae is pain
The gods of Olympus pray to Chuck Norris that he won't crush them like bugs
The punishment for a Vestal Virgin breaking her vows of celibacy is to be subject to the amorous attentions of Chuck Norris for an entire month
The new alternative to the Fustuarium is to be round-house kicked by Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris sweats raw Garum and heats wine by boiling it with his own rage
Chuck Norris got a bill from the Imperial tax collectors, he sent back a small fresco depicting him crouched and ready to attack. They paid him so many thousands of silver talents as compensation for daring to bother him that it caused the financial crisis of the 3rd Century AD
Chuck Norris would not be thrown to the lions in the arena;lions would be thrown to Chuck Norris.
There are no barbarians, only groups of people that got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.
For most Romans, home is where the the insula is. For Chuck Norris, his insula is where he keeps his massive collection of human skulls
The grass is always greener on the other side of Hadrian's Wall. Unless Chuck Norris has been there. In this case, it is drenched in blood and tears
Chuck Norris knows the exact location of the 'Lost Legion'
Chuck Norris can drink a dozen full amphorae of wine in just XXXVII seconds
The two leading causes of death in the late Roman Empire are 1) Chuck Norris and 2) Bubonic Plague (a very distant second)
The imago carried in front of every legion features a likeness of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris recovered the standards of the XVII, XVIII and XIX legions by telling Arminius to bring them to Rome, alone and un-armed.....
The Athenians offered Socrates the choice of being bitten by Chuck Norris, or drinking hemlock. He chose the hemlock...
Chuck Norris drives a quadriga decorated with human skulls
When Chuck Norris heads upstairs at Aselina's Capuona, the girls pay him
Nero comitted suicide by attacking Chuck Norris
In the average room of an insula, there are MDCXLVII objects that Chuck Norris can kill you with, including the room itself
Chuck Norris doesn't have to write scrolls; the wrods assemble themselves out of fear
Julius Caesar wears Chuck Norris pajamas
Chuck Norris did, in fact, build Rome in a day
Chuck Norris can judge a scroll by its cover
According to Romman mythology, Zeus created the world. Before that, Chuck Norris created Zeus by snapping his fingers
Chuck Norris doesn't use a sundial, he decides what time it is...
Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce millions of tiny white legionaries whose mission is always 'seek and kill'
All roads lead to Chuck Norris (and a roundhouse kick to the head
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gladius, pugio, spatha and stack of pilum
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www.russellwhitfield.com
www.myrmidonbooks.com/new_titles_gladiatrix.html
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 17 July 2009 : 8:50:21 PM
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Admit it you were bored today!!
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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scarrow
Forum Admin
588 Posts |
Posted - 18 July 2009 : 09:33:40 AM
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| Doug McClure could bitch-slap Chuck Norris into the ground. |
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Lanista
Invertebrate
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
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Simon Scarrow
Ape
Uruguay
1048 Posts |
Posted - 18 July 2009 : 3:29:33 PM
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| Blimey, and I thought I got bored at times... |
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Lanista
Invertebrate
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 19 July 2009 : 7:47:29 PM
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Admit it - you read them...
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Ankhsy
Homosapien
United Kingdom
7861 Posts |
Posted - 20 July 2009 : 4:12:16 PM
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Who is Chuck Norris?
Legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus. |
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Nísia
Small mammal
Portugal
773 Posts |
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Ankhsy
Homosapien
United Kingdom
7861 Posts |
Posted - 21 July 2009 : 09:22:34 AM
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No, I don't recognise any of them, Nisia. I'm obviously out of touch!
Legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus. |
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Classic Chuck
