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Stomachus Grossus
Homosapien
United Kingdom
1860 Posts |
 Posted - 20 September 2006 : 12:49:00 PM
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Given the number of inept and plain wrong history in hollywood films (IE braveheart, Gladiator, U562 etal) i thought it would be fun for us to post plot lines for historic films as seen through hollywood eyes.
Example
Plucky scottish king Alfred (mel Gibson), after getting stuck in a swamp in ireland by the naughty english, gathers a band or 7 warriors from across the globe (Bandaras, Jet Li, Jean Reno, The rock, brad pitt, jude law, orlando bloom, johnny depp) and kicks the english out of england!!
Urino -are!!!!
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
13892 Posts |
Posted - 20 September 2006 : 1:15:48 PM
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ROTFLMAO!!
The Fall of Rome:
Harrison ford sat fiddling with his casio keyboard, while their evil nieghbours the Iranians ( art malik) attacked with invisible WMD's disguised as shoes. from the northen borders the irish (any yank who can mash an irish accent, or if unlucky colin farrell)in league with the jamacans (samuel Jackson doing a bad accent) come zooming in over the mountains...the rockies..on ferarris to steal all the women and swear alot.
Harriosn is too old and cannot be bothered so send his inept son Joachim pheonix out, who decides that this is all to deja vu for him and bu**ers off to his villa to play with all his loose women...rome falls into christian fundamentalism and abuses the whole world who they think they own....the end...
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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Stomachus Grossus
Homosapien
United Kingdom
1860 Posts |
Posted - 20 September 2006 : 1:20:45 PM
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Love it
Urino -are!!!!
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Justin Coles
Small mammal
United Kingdom
574 Posts |
Posted - 22 September 2006 : 3:03:39 PM
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The American Civil War was the perfect war for american historians - whatever happens the yanks win!
How about - Waterzoo!
The American General Washington (who invented the Wellington boot) played by Arnold Shwartz... parachutes into Europe with the 101st Airborn Battling Bastards of Bastonne, and kicks the arse of Boney, who has brought a thousands and one elephants over Everest to attack the american forces.
Audaces fortuna iuvat!
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
13892 Posts |
Posted - 22 September 2006 : 3:25:26 PM
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LOL...very good!!
Roukes drift:
100 brave sould trapped by the rampaging hordes of saladin, tey are led by a crazy irish..sorry american...sorry cant make the accent out...played by colin farrell, his men from all over the empire...chicago, kentucky, missouri..(well thats what it sounds like) the day looks to be lost when up pops davy crokett and his band of men who found time out from the alamo to help out...hell they are used to this sort of thing...
any way the savages are defeated when some smart alex uploads a virus into theri mother ship ...amzingly compatible with their mud hut technology..and they all die....the end..
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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Carus Andiae
Small mammal
United Kingdom
667 Posts |
Posted - 29 September 2006 : 8:00:03 PM
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The Jewish War (a Ridley Scott film)
Plucky young blacksmith Vespasian (Orlando Bloom) heads off to Judea after discovering that he is actually the illegitimate son of Pontius Pilate, but discovers that the other Romans are all horrible fanatics, and stereotypes to boot, whilst the Jewish rebels are all charming and peaceloving.
Once there he's really nice to all his slaves and, being a blacksmith and knowing about these things, completely revitalises the economic success of the region.
After that he decides that wouldn't it be really lovely if the Jews and Romans were nice to each other instead of fighting all the time, and makes a deal with the charming and peaceloving Jewish General Joseph bar Mathias (Morgan Freeman), thus bringing an end to the War, before he runs off with Nero's wife and settles back to a life of being a blacksmith.
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"Licat volare si super tergum aquila volat" - Any man can fly when he rides on the back of an eagle |
Edited by - Carus Andiae on 29 September 2006 8:02:39 PM |
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Hollywood History
