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scarrow
Forum Admin
588 Posts |
 Posted - 13 November 2006 : 4:06:35 PM
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So here we go ladies and gents, the 2nd forumwide short story competition.
Your story must:-
1) Begin with 'She stared at the door to room 204...'
2) End with '...and that's how he died, reaching out one hand, just about touching it, with the tips of his fingers.' (can be he/her, btw...don't want to be sexist here)
3) Be less than 500 words. (not 1 word more)
4) Submitted to this thread by 5pm Friday 24th November.
Then, following monday (27th) I'll open a poll. Everyone is eligible to vote for the entries, including contestants, who can of course vote for themselves if they so wish.
Who's in?
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 13 November 2006 : 4:08:21 PM
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man thats harsh opening and finishing , count me in...i think!!
Centurion Parmenion
 LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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Coritanian
Homosapien
United Kingdom
2031 Posts |
Posted - 13 November 2006 : 4:11:09 PM
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I'll give it a go.
So when the centurion and those with him, who were guarding Jesus, saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they feared greatly, saying, “Truly this was the Son of God!”
Matthew 27:54 |
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Manu21
Ape
United Kingdom
877 Posts |
Posted - 13 November 2006 : 4:29:31 PM
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i would try but got coursework to do so dont know if i can find the time to do it
odio at amor, excrucior |
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 13 November 2006 : 5:03:27 PM
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Well here you go had a quick 30 mins to spare 499 words fel free to piont laugh and abuse, i still reserve the right to alter this up to the deadline (if i find some more spare time)
She stared at the door to room 204 this was it,
she had been planning this for weeks, tonight she would
confront them, she would end this one way or another.
As she eased open the door she heard noises from within, a soft
moaning sound combined with the creak of bedsprings.
She closed the door quietly and then took a quick step into the main
bedroom; they were both so busy they did not register her at first.
There she was the tramp that had stolen her partner, the person
who had slowly but surely eroded their marriage, she was still not
sure what it was about this woman that had been better than her,
that had meant and end to all their years together
As if coming out of trance they noticed her, Bed-sheets were grabbed
and quickly clutched to chests as both looked shocked,
angry and then guilty, they were caught and they knew it, no quick
excuses would explain this away.
She had expected more, some kind of verbal assault, anything
except the stony silence she was greeted with, and then she
remembered the gun, it seemed to hold a sinister presence when it
was held something that stilled their voices.
She knew it was up to her to say something, but her throat felt tight,
restricted by all the aggression, hurt and disappointment of being proved right.
The tension was broken by the sudden sobbing of the beds occupants,
they were scared witless, death was but a second away, then the she did
something neither of them expected she screamed at them to “get out”,
As the two fled the room she locked the door and went to sit on the bed,
she had not thought this through as well as she had hoped,
she had not expected humanity to get in the way of revenge.
By now the police would be on the way, she would spend years behind bars for nothing,
she had not even had the guts to threaten them let alone kill them, rage,
Despair and humiliation warred within her.
She sat there waiting, what could she do now? How could she fix this,
its not like she could go home and forget about this, her wife had found a new girlfriend,
there was no home to go to, her life as she knew it was over…. And that’s when she knew!
Its wasn’t long before they came for her, she had made her peace and as the police rushed into the room she raised the gun one last time.
As the bullet pierced her heart she thought how easy it was to die, as she fell she knocked the bedside table spilling its contents onto the floor. She was sprawled on her side and there in front of her was the wedding ring she had given her wife and that's how she died, reaching out one hand for it, just about touching it with the tips of her fingers.'
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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scarrow
Forum Admin
588 Posts |
Posted - 13 November 2006 : 5:12:51 PM
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| that, is going to be a hrd act to follow. bloody good...just a tad confused by the same sex spouses. I'll read it again...maybe I missed something |
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 13 November 2006 : 5:15:08 PM
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it was deliberate, i was trying to leave it ambiguous as to the sex of the participants until the line
"her wife had found a new girlfriend" i thought i would go with a lesbian triangle, just to make it different. I hope it works ok??
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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Edited by - Parmenion on 13 November 2006 5:15:53 PM |
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AndyCanty
Homosapien
United Kingdom
6782 Posts |
Posted - 13 November 2006 : 6:32:15 PM
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rather macabre story limits there, but I'll give it a shot if a get 30mins spare.
_____________________________________
If all the worlds a stage?
Where's my script??? |
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Carus Andiae
Small mammal
United Kingdom
722 Posts |
Posted - 13 November 2006 : 6:36:50 PM
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I missed the last Short Story competition, so I'll have a go at this one.
* * * *
"Licat volare si super tergum aquila volat" - Any man can fly when he rides on the back of an eagle |
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Carus Andiae
Small mammal
United Kingdom
722 Posts |
Posted - 13 November 2006 : 8:58:17 PM
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I bring you Sutekh's gift of death, to all humanity...
Well, actually it's my (438 word) short story
============
She stared at the door of room 204, her hand resting on the handle. Time was running out, both for her, and for Lockyer. One of them was going to have to swallow their pride. Either Lockyer was going to choose life, or she was going to have to explain why she’d failed. She took a deep breath, offered up a silent prayer for help from any deities that might be watching, and entered.
Lockyer was sitting at the table as before. His face was already corpse-grey, his eyes sunken, sweat beading on his brow, his breath coming in laboured gasps. She could almost pity him… almost. She reached into her case, pulled out a phial of a clear liquid, and placed it on the table, just out of Lockyer’s reach. He eyed it hungrily, and she smiled grimly.
“Such a little thing” she murmured. “But life, for you. And at such a little price.” He began to laugh, a harsh, rasping laugh that developed into a death-rattle like cough. They’d been through this masque before. She knew his cue was “Still too great”, but he wasn’t even strong enough to get the words out, now. She waited patiently for him to settle down, and continued. “Are you a man of faith, Lockyer? Do you believe in an afterlife? I hope not, or you must know there’s only hell waiting for you.” She watched his eyes, flickering from her face to the phial. “The poison has nearly finished its work, Lockyer” she explained. “You can feel Death’s hand on your shoulder, already, can’t you? So cold, so very… cold. Do you fear him, Lockyer? Do you fear to die… in so much pain… cold… all alone? No-one to mourn you. No-one to care. No-one who will even admit you ever existed.” She watched the words sink in. “There’s still time, Lockyer” she said gently, in the tones of a mother talking to a sick child. “The drug will save you, even now. All we want is one name.” She watched him, and shook her head. “No? Well, goodbye, Lockyer. The next time I see you it will be at the morgue.” She rose briskly, and picked up the antidote, but Lockyer grunted and shook his head. She paused. “Yes? You have something to say?” He closed his eyes, and weakly stuttered out,
“P… Parker”. She stared at him, and smiled.
“There. That wasn’t too hard was it?” She placed the antidote on the table. Lockyer went to take it… and that’s how he died, reaching out one hand, just about touching it, with the tips of his fingers.
* * * *
"Licat volare si super tergum aquila volat" - Any man can fly when he rides on the back of an eagle |
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Ankhsy
Homosapien
United Kingdom
7861 Posts |
Posted - 13 November 2006 : 9:24:18 PM
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I'll give it a try, but I'm up to my eyeballs in work....so we'll see.
"We're Starfleet Officers, weird is part of the job."
Star Trek Voyager - Capt. Janeway
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scarrow
Forum Admin
588 Posts |
Posted - 14 November 2006 : 12:26:06 PM
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| I like that one, I like it a lot. |
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 14 November 2006 : 12:47:03 PM
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thats very good carus...might even vote for it over my own!!
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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Carus Andiae
Small mammal
United Kingdom
722 Posts |
Posted - 14 November 2006 : 3:34:43 PM
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Thanks.
Still, you got things off to a good start!
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"Licat volare si super tergum aquila volat" - Any man can fly when he rides on the back of an eagle |
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 14 November 2006 : 3:39:29 PM
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ahhh!! a bit of mutal writers back slapping......now if we can just find some writers....
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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KilboFraggins
Invertebrate
United Kingdom
157 Posts |
Posted - 14 November 2006 : 4:57:12 PM
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| hey I might have a go too. |
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Alex Scarrow
Ape
993 Posts |
Posted - 23 November 2006 : 1:14:13 PM
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Just a reminder folks. Short story entries by 5pm tomorrow.
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Graeme Canty
Homosapien
United Kingdom
2286 Posts |
Posted - 23 November 2006 : 1:42:24 PM
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I ain't get the time. Would have a go, just can't get a free moment to sit and think about it at the moment.
'With all these new personalities floating around, it's a shame we can't find one for you'
The Doctor to Tuvok, Star Trek Voyager (Infinite Regress) |
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 23 November 2006 : 1:50:48 PM
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you can think......WOW!!! {grin}
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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KilboFraggins
Invertebrate
United Kingdom
157 Posts |
Posted - 23 November 2006 : 2:08:40 PM
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Yes, sorry. Sidetracked. I wrote this on friday and forgot to post:-
She stared at the door to room 204 - the apartment directly above hers...oh yes.
Mrs Greenbaum had had enough already. She considered herself a tolerant enough woman, she didn’t mind the kids playing outside in the street, just outside her window. Occasionally they got a little noisy, but kids are kids.
No. Mrs Greenbaum, hadn’t yet complained about the young couple next door, who occasionally played their music so loud, the porcelain figurines on her shelf danced along with it.
But, this was different. Those noises coming through the ceiling from the apartment above had been simply unbearable. They’d been going on for a couple of weeks now – same time every night, well...early morning actually. 3.31am to be precise, without fail, the same mystifying and disturbing sequence of noises.
She’d called the janitor about this and he’d gone knocking on upstairs, receiving no answer. So now she was standing outside the door, with the janitor and two cops, and there was the faintest odour coming from within.
Very unpleasant.
‘Mr Hoffman, if you don’t open up, sir, we’re going to have to force the door,’ called out the policeman for the third and last time. No reply.
‘Okay Larry, I guess we better do it,’ the cop said to the other.
‘****, you smell that?’ said the other cop, Larry.
‘Yup.’ He turned to the janitor, eyeing Mrs Greenbaum cautiously, wary of alarming her. ‘I think...uh, the gentleman inside may be...you know.’
The janitor nodded, ‘I understand.’ He turned to Mrs Greenbaum. ‘Come on Emily, let the policemen do their job.’
‘No,’ she replied. ‘I want to see what’s been making that awful noise.’
‘It may not be a pretty sight ma’am,’ said the cop. ‘You understand?’
‘I don’t care. I want to know. It’s been driving me mad – every damned night at the exact same time, those horrible, horrible noises.’
The cop shrugged. ‘Okay, well...you been warned.’ He turned to his partner, ‘come on Larry, let’s get this done.’
Larry took a step back, raised his foot and placed a short savage kick next to the door lock. It splintered easily and swung in rattling in its frame. The smell that emerged was overpowering.
‘Oh man, something for sure died in here alright...jesus.’
Mrs Greenbaum craned her neck to look inside the apartment. It was dark, the drapes were drawn.
‘Please wait outside ma’am,’ said Larry, then both cops took a few cautious steps in.
She struggled to see inside, but heard both the police quietly discussing their find. They were in there a good ten minutes before emerging, holding their noses. She heard Larry talking to the other as they emerged.
‘...video was on a timer. Goddamned snuff movie by the looks of it - too much for his old heart. Must’ve been trying to turn it off with the remote when the stroke hit him.’
‘Looks that way,’ nodded the other one, ‘...died, reaching out one hand, just about touching it with the tips of his fingers.’
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KilboFraggins
Invertebrate
United Kingdom
157 Posts |
Posted - 23 November 2006 : 2:09:38 PM
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| Oh damn, the Scarrows have a swear filter on. |
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 23 November 2006 : 2:21:37 PM
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Perv!!
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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Graeme Canty
Homosapien
United Kingdom
2286 Posts |
Posted - 23 November 2006 : 2:21:45 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Parmenion
you can think......WOW!!! {grin}
Yes I can..........cheeky swine!
And to think I'm only ever nice to you!
'With all these new personalities floating around, it's a shame we can't find one for you'
The Doctor to Tuvok, Star Trek Voyager (Infinite Regress) |
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 23 November 2006 : 2:23:31 PM
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ROFL...sorry could not resist...you made it too easy!!
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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Graeme Canty
Homosapien
United Kingdom
2286 Posts |
Posted - 23 November 2006 : 2:40:05 PM
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You could have said something like:
'With your imaginative writing abilities, I am sure you can come up with something as quick as a flash' but nooooooooooo...........You had to insult me didn't you :-)
'With all these new personalities floating around, it's a shame we can't find one for you'
The Doctor to Tuvok, Star Trek Voyager (Infinite Regress) |
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 23 November 2006 : 3:15:34 PM
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well its a charlie brown moment isnt it...(i know im comparing my self to a girl now) but im like sally with the football daring you give me an opening...and yup you give it me so i yank the ball away...(or in my case a rude comment) its what i do im sarcastic...i can't help it!! {grin}
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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Alex Scarrow
Ape
993 Posts |
Posted - 24 November 2006 : 12:23:56 PM
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| Only a few hours left for any more entries! |
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 24 November 2006 : 12:41:54 PM
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So far i should at least get the bronze medal !! {grin} 
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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Edited by - Parmenion on 24 November 2006 12:42:15 PM |
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Alex Scarrow
Ape
993 Posts |
Posted - 24 November 2006 : 1:02:03 PM
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| Yeah...not so many takers this time. Maybe it's just too busy a time of year. |
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Parmenion
Homosapien
United Kingdom
14676 Posts |
Posted - 24 November 2006 : 1:07:55 PM
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bunch of slakers, it took me 30 mins at lunch...its budget time here so could not be busier...
I hope no one avoids entering on the basis of what others may say about the work?
Just bang something out have fun, and get some good feedback on what you might improve in your writing...i know i have loads of faults
Centurion Parmenion
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH'INTRATE
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John Prigent
Homosapien
United Kingdom
8794 Posts |
Posted - 24 November 2006 : 1:29:46 PM
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I'm looking forward to the vote, but hoping for some more entries to read.
Cheers
John
Captain, Star Fleet
"to boldly split infinitives that no man (or woman) has split before" |
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SHORT STORY COMPETITION
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